You know how the bees that make our food are mysteriously dying? Part of the problem seems to be grass lawns, which when kept properly trimmed and dull provide the bee equivalent of olestra: It looks like food from a distance, but all you get is anal leakage.
The flat green surface Mr Dog is standing on indicates he's part of the problem, and he should grow himself a proper garden instead of standing around all day hosing down his lifeless suburban field of hollow dreams. It'd look pretty, use less water and help keep us all alive.
Your humble critic's plugger status: I'll most likely never be a homeowner.